BOUNDARIES
FUNDACIÓN RANA
Personal boundaries are like “rules” that each person sets to protect themselves from any situation they consider unsafe, uncomfortable, or disrespectful. They represent the action taken in response to something perceived as inappropriate, invasive, or dangerous. That is why it is essential to teach children how to set boundaries—it is a way of caring for and defending themselves.
It is important to understand that setting boundaries involves everyone around the child: family members, strangers, peers, teachers, and others. Abuse most often occurs within a context of maximum trust, which is why it is necessary to transform a culture of submission and blind respect toward adults. For example:
- Does a 6-year-old child have the right to say “I don’t like it. Stop.” when their mother constantly shouts at them? Yes.
- Does a 9-year-old girl have the right to say “I don’t like it. Stop.” to her grandmother who mocks her because her breasts are starting to grow? Yes.
It is true that children need to receive boundaries when necessary, but it is also important that they can practice setting boundaries themselves, in order to:
- Understand that their body belongs to them: internalizing this idea reduces the likelihood of someone taking advantage of or manipulating them. They can say “no” to both adults and peers.
- Recognize their feelings and emotions: this allows them to express how they feel and be heard, internalizing a response based on trust.
The adventure in Tropicalia Island is fun, but it also conveys a clear message: everyone has the right to set boundaries when a situation becomes confusing, is not understood, or makes them feel uncomfortable. Has it ever happened to you that something that started as a game stopped being one?
In Tropicalia Island, this concept appears when Nil says “no” to practicing slack line with Lichi because he is afraid of falling, getting hurt, or feeling embarrassed. This response would not have been possible without previous experiences—having fun building sandcastles, being afraid of the dark, relying on Mango’s constant support. In short, setting boundaries is a need for everyone.
During the reading, what questions can we ask ourselves?
- Can Lichi force Nil to climb onto the rope?
- If Nil builds sandcastles with the Banyadorus Petitus and they don’t turn out the way he wants, is it okay for them to make fun of him? Can Nil say, “Stop, I don’t like you doing this”?
In most cases, children learn to set boundaries in everyday situations. It is also important for adults to reinforce this concept and work on it with them. A very useful tool is the book ¿Ni un besito a la fuerza? (Not a forced kiss?) by Marion Mebes, which encourages reflection on changing the culture of “greetings or goodbyes” that involve forced kisses. (Ni un besito a la fuerza is a children’s book written by Marion Mebes and illustrated by Lydia Sandrock that focuses on helping young children understand and talk about unwanted physical contact as well as recognizing when it’s okay to say “No”. It is designed to be clear and simple so that adults—parents, caregivers, educators, and teachers—can use it as a tool to discuss these topics with children in a developmentally appropriate way.)